According to my mom, I've always enjoyed drawing and painting. I remember holding onto crayons and color pencils at the ripe age of 3, drawing on cheap notebooks and trying to color in the lines. As I continued to grow up, I tried a lot of different hobbies and crafts -- knitting, coding, etc. However, I kept coming back to both writing and visual art. Other people noticed too; I've been called the quiet artsy one as a kid. When I was 14, my middle school graduation moniker was "most likely to create a manga series." That's the day I knew that people associated me with artistry, and I began identifyinf with the "artist" label.

As a kid, I spent a lot of time in my head, often writing down stories that I thought up of, or drawing characters that I made up for my stories. That's how I actually started drawing in this specific niche -- I was making up a lot of girls I wanted to see as my friends, or ones that I looked up to, so naturally, I gravitated to drawing cute girls. I did run into minor issues where I wasn't able to draw exactly what I wanted to see in my head, even if badly, mostly because I was so focused on learning how to design better clothes and characters rather than focusing on posing and perspective, which is certainly causing me issues now. However, my younger self had all the tools she needed to be lost in her own imagination through worlds she created. To create better and more compelling characters, I began to look at the vast world of books, TV shows, movies, and more. There was my first foray into the idea of "imitation as the highest form of flattery," and I also started my foray into creating fanart around 2015. (Read more about my fandom history in the "media" tab.)

One of the easiest way to make friends is through shared common interests. With the dawn of social media, this became easier than ever.

As I moved into becoming a tweenager, I began investing more time into my art. I posted my color pencil drawings on my personal instagram, which, as the time moved on, became more of a fandom/art instagram than a personal instagram (I had to make a separate account because I didn't exactly want my classmates seeing my anime-style drawings on their feed). I opened up my Instagram to make things public. I also interacted with other (allegedly) similar-aged people on IG who shared the same interests as me, many of them who were also artists, and participated in showcases and collaborations that could spread my name.

However, looking back, clearly, I was very much still a child. I was a young teenage girl with severe social anxiety, and every post, despite the quality being clearly of an amateur, became a humiliation ritual of how many "likes" I could garner, effectively incinerating my mental health. Not only that, I was also caught in community conflicts, which is inevitable with being in a rather dense fandom community. So, at the ripe age of 14, I decided to get off of Instagram, and all the drawings I've done ever since were made for myself.

It wasn't until nearly a decade later, stumbling on an email promoting ArtFight, and effectively eliminating my social anxiety that I had was I able to safely interact with an online art community in a way that I saw fit. Even now, I only do so in a supportive, responsive environment that won't make my self-esteem take a nosedive. I'm happy with how I interact with the world through my art these days.

Tools evolve alongside people, and an artist's is no different.

Throughout my childhood and the majority of my adolescence, I was a firm believer of the Prismacolor color pencils, and used a Muji sketchbook alongside it. (I think I have a total of 17 formal sketchbooks? I had an organizational system). I dabbled a bit in digital art, but all I had at that time was Autodesk Sketchbook, a mouse, and a dream, so I didn't do that as often. As I got older, I was gifted an iPad, and having not enough space to bring my color pencil arsenal with me to college, I resolved to finally learn how to do digiral art proper. After bouncing around multiple apps (Autodesk, Medibang, IbisPaint, Adobe Fresco, Illustrator, to name a few), I finally caved and landed on Procreate, which seemed to be a good compromise between my paper-on-pencil skillset while still making digital art. With every new piece that I do, I continue to learn the nuances of Procreate, and how to harness the application to its highest potential.

I considered seriously pursuing fine arts early in high school, however, ultimately decided to ditch that path because 1) I certainly did not fare as well as a lot of the people in workshop classes, and 2) I was considered quite studious, and was pushed towards more technical pathways. I considered healthcare for the majority of my college career, but ultimately decided on a balanced mix between writing, which multiple professors have encouraged me to pursue, as well as the science I've learned throughout college as a professional career. I may not earn as much as I would've if I went to medical school or something, but it was a good compromise. I'm still very early career, but I'm pretty OK with where my life is right now.

To be honest, resolving to not become a visual artist as a career is probably one of the most crucial personal moves I have made. My everyday job is rewarding and overall pleasant, however, I still have the space to explore myself outside of my professional identity. My brain gets to have a "break" after work, but at the same time, I still get to use that side of the brain at the work desk. I have a clear distinction between my "work self" and my "personal self" where neither identities are blending with another too much.